ExploreTruth

2010 was a grey year for me. You know the kind you look back on in brief attempts of reflection, that give way to dreams, sleep, and hoping for more sunshine in the morning.

But then you think again, and you remember that you did indeed see those hoped for rays of blessings, epiphanies, knowledge, and even a little wisdom sprinkled into the mix.

But even some of those brighter moments can sometimes come at the cost of numbing of bad habits, and those moments where “the better angels” seemed decidedly impotent against self-control, discipline, and walking fully into ones purpose.

And some curses came with blessings I couldn’t ignore.  Despite a start and stop progression with this site, I am still plagued by this obsession, disguised as the blog called Explore Truth.

And you have so much to do with the later.  No, I’m not stalking you, but you stayzzz on my mind.

And for that reason the obstacles and distractions that may have shadowed the perfect dreams I had for us…for this…to build a community of truth explores, has not been thwarted.  But the tension felt from turning obstacle into opportunity now occupies my mind.  And in turning the one into the other, we begin by writing the main culprits down, on a list, for this ceremonial burning.  Call it my symbolic sentencing of the parts of me that continue to meddle with destiny, purpose and truth.

And my hunch is, if you’re anything like me, these dream killers often stem from weaknesses in our body.

Should not every man hold self-control to be the foundation of all virtue, and first lay this foundation firmly in his soul? – Xenophon

And yes, I know that 2011 will not be perfect.  But…check it…you should have seen ya boy in 2001.

Progress is sometimes a slow and roller-coaster of a game.  Sometimes you only see the territory covered after you’ve touched down, and possibly panting and scared shitless, you look up at the twist, turns, and glorious ascensions.

And so..on this NYE… Here’s to it all…To your:

• pain that we can turn to purpose
• landmarks of success that prove you can be victorious
• the skeletal remains of old beliefs that were tried and found wanting
• And to the black list we can now form to perform our proper burial. And by so doing, we deny access to our most untrue and recent parts of us, and to the new selves we will continue to grow into.

The Black Listed Items

These may have been the things that kept us leaning towards lust when love is what we’d always wanted.

They may have been the fear that crowded out our passions, and sent us, tails curled between legs, to our vomit stained bowls of mediocrity.

They may have dumbed down our spiritual hustle into a religious lemming like way of half-life, and traded our thirst for truth/Truth for moments of apathy, orgasmic pacifiers, that always seemed to descend into “just getting by.”

So…however you do your New Years Resolutions, make sure to dig deep into who you are and what you want out of this life. Blacklist the things you know have kept you treading water, and preventing you from truly being alive.

No..this isn’t rocket science, or some drummed up locker room speech.  For me, it’s simply a reflection on, despite many failures, the active ingredients I have recognized as being integral to any succesful change I can point to in my life.

Crossing the Rubicon of indecision has often been half the battle…and the bloodiest part at that.  That moment of grave tension, where the boldest of action is the only thing that can break us free, and certify that retreat is no longer an option.

Your revolution is born.

It may begin with…

• The notice to your boss that tells him or her you just can’t see yourself killing your soul any longer.
• The ultimatum with that friend/family member(s) that is unknowingly making you feel guilty for reaching for stars and for dreaming to leave a legacy that transcends financial gain.
• The much-needed conversation you’ve meant to have…with so and so…about “that thing” that has been eating away at you.
• Giving voice to those secret questions you’ve always felt like a heretic for thinking.
• Or the first words of the blog, or book you’ve been burning to write.

Sometimes it’s just the Rosa Park like, beginning acts of sitting down at your rightful place.  I do know that our successes in 2011 will not be built on vacillation, or good intentions.  They will rise and fall on the straight, determined, courageous backs that are tired of being tired, a curiosity to test our definitions of the infinite, and a recognition that we wield a most powerful sword called choice.

And God knows we’ll need it. A break up from oneself, seems to be among the most violent. For those who dare to change, risk the transitional pains that the crucible of self-control promises.

If we gratify every urge as soon as it arises, we must often settle for fast food, cheap drink, sleeping all day, and crude sexual encounters.  We will be little more than animals.  Without self-control, we have no hope of learning how to moderate ourselves and out lives. – Soccio(from Archetypes of Wisdom: An Introduction to Philosophy)

And ultimately we will move ahead with the steam of clear decisions, and a grander vision for why we feel we are alive at this time..on this day…at this moment.

So I speak only of these things, people, or circumstances that plague you in that space of vacillation.  Of compromise. Of indecision.  Of riding the fence when you know good and well that that’s a perfectly good way to squash your reproductive organs. I’m just saying…

Maria Reich reminded me that focusing on the positive alternatives to what had us stuck in 2010, is a more constructive thing to do than focusing on the mistakes we do not want to repeat.  And I think she’s right.  And so, along with clearly confronting the parts of you that you want to change, maybe we need a “white list“ as well(all racial correlations aside..I’m using these black list/white list terms loosely).  A list that zeros in on the things we wish to welcome into our live.  Maybe here is where our energies should go.

How do you best black list the worst parts of you, while best setting yourself up for true change?