There was a time when birthdays seemed like a bigger deal. I remember when I turned 10(two whole digits), and I got that crazy beautiful red bike. Man… that thing was sexy. Until I crashed it into the garage door.
When I was 14 or 15 I looked on in envy as many of the older kids in my class got their learning permits. It wasn’t until a year and half later that I finally got my license.
Ballin’
I was a late bloomer, and didn’t get my 1st car until a year or two after my high-school graduation. I worked hard, saved up the dough, and finally coped the pearly white, used Mitshibishi Mirage. Even saved enough to slap some corny silver walmart wanna be rims on them, some illegal window tints, and pack the trunk with enough bass to move your lower intestines.
Picture me rollin’
I was in line at Club Platforms when I turned 21. It was 2-4-1 drinks, and I could now do it legally. The air was thick with the scent of forever, and black & mild cigars. How could I ever get older?
Then the unthinkable happened last year, around this time. I turned 30 & my cousin died. Both had a way of reminding me of what I already knew. And I can’t say it all hit me at once. I’m not sure these sort of things ever do. This has been dawning for awhile now. And sometimes I’m awake enough to notice…that these are the very moments of my life. And they are happening right beneath my feet.
And then I look up…and unless I’m mistaken…I’m now 31. The dawning is beginning to feel a bit hotter now. The erratic dreams that careened off the walls of opportunity and circumstance, now burn brighter with the fuel of focus, purpose, and calling.
But this light is not without its moments of darkness. For the visions of success have been tainted with feelings of inadequacy, self doubt, bouts of loneliness, and the remnents of the demons from pandora boxes so often first opened in our younger days.
But the air up here(30’s) isn’t too bad. 31 brings with a gravity absolutely unlike what I felt 10 years ago…standing at that bar, sipping my
celebration. I can still raise a toast for the gift of another year, but 31 brings with it an urgency all its own.
And so I recommitt to making what was potential, kinetic; what was possible, a reality, and what was grey, light. And I guess that’s what birthday’s can do if you let them. They can remind you that you are getting older, but that it is ok to pause, celebrate, and maybe, most importantly, refocus on the things that matter most in life.
So heads up to my 20 something people’s. Don’t buy Jay Z’s forever young mantra. Not entirely anyway. Not in the way that allows the importance of your todays to be mitigated by the promise of living on through your kids.
I don’t want 35, or 40 to come, and to look back through the same regret stained glasses of today. I hope to look back with a bit more pride, at the foundation I am now laying for the success ahead.
Lessons Learned This Birth Year:
- That in order to progress, one must be CRYSTAL clear as to who one is, and what you want your life to be, while understanding that life/you may screw things up from time to time.
- That Love is the meaning of life. It is everything, and I will feel no shame where I deviate from where religious tradition does not serve this higher value.
- I am a human being, and still have issues. I can accept me, without a long term commitment to accepting the issues.
- Without discipline, nothing gets done.
- Relationships are important, and take work. But sometimes poor choices can produce the sort of relationships that become the very thing that stand between you and your goals/dreams, and as a result be the hardest to deal with, or let go.
- Learning to let go the fear of death(All Fear seems to be tied to this.) Imagine what you could do if you learned this?
Written by Veron Graham
Topics: Blog